How to NOT run a seminar
So I went to a seminar.
I went to this seminar because I was under the impression that the person speaking would be this guy. I like listening to this guy. I've read a couple of his books when I was studying the Enneagram, and I listened to some of his tapes. He's a very good speaker, and he makes uncommonly good sense, and he does it in a way that is very soft-spoken and gentle. I like people who don't beat me over the head with their point. This is all in addition to the seminar being on a topic that I thought would be helpful, given that I'm trying to raise 2 sons and didn't have a lot of father figures for periods of my life (partly because of my own rebellious nature), I like to soak up as much info as I can about turning boys into men.
So I signed up, paid over the internet, and received a little confirmation e-mail stating sign-in was at 7:30 am at Flowing Wells High School. Flowing Wells is pretty far from me, so I have to get up pretty dang early to make this, but I want to do this, and I'm looking forward to listening to this guy talk about something important to me from 7:30am until 4pm, so BRING IT ON!!!
What the e-mail didn't say, was that sign-up AND registration was from 7:30am - 9am. When you got there, there were some lovely booths behind the sign-in desk with some random displays out with all sorts of stuff and literature and tapes that the speaker and his organization would love for you to buy. I'm looking at the tape for today's session and I think to myself, "I should have just bought that, instead of coming all the way out here at butt-early on a Saturday morning to wait 90 minutes before he starts speaking." So now I've got 90 mins to kill, I'm tired, my stomach is upset (as it usually is pretty much every day before 10am), and I could have just slid in there at 9 and not missed a thing. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
NOW 9am finally rolls around (I've got a GREAT seat by the way, seeing as I was so freaken early), and they decide to open today's seminar with . . .. . . (drumroll) . .. . . a drum? I hear this single, Native American drum being whacked in the back of room. And in the back of the room there are 3 guys making their way up to the front stage. One is holding the drum, the second is holding a Bible, and the third is holding a candle. Oh great. Now we're going to have a freaky little prayer service. Now don't get me wrong, I love all sorts of prayer. I pray in the shower, in the car, at the park, while I'm wrestling with my sons, and sometimes I just step outside the front or back of my house at night to look up to the sky and talk with God. But I DON'T beat a drum to a random beat, light a candle, march my Bible around in a circle, and then read some random new-age prayer I've never heard before, which doesn't sound like anything IN that Bible. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
Following 15 mins of this, Richard finally takes the stage, and reviews our itineraries for the day. We can look forward to listening to him for a couple hours, take a break, listen to him for a little over another hour, then have a 90 minute lunch. After lunch the men will be going to a 'break-out' session of small group discussions, and the women will be listening to him talk to more. Finally, we'll all be brought back together for about 45 mins of summing it all up, and then we'll have a closing prayer service. Now I think to myself, I say, "Self, wouldn't it have been nice to have known about this itinerary BEFORE I paid up for this seminar?". So now I'm going to get to hear about half as much of Richard as I had hoped, and I get to participate in a small group discussion with a bunch of guys I don't know, but who seem to be a little less radical than the 'Promise Keepers' group. Great. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
When the speaker finally launches into his presentation, I'm very relieved, and very happy. He's just as enjoyable to listen too as ever, and the subject matter is great stuff. Before I know it he's wrapping it up and soliciting questions, so we can get to our 20 minute break (allowing us more time to go buy more stuff). The first session ran a little under 80 mins, so I feel ripped off. The next session only goes 60 mins, which allows us to get to lunch about 15 mins early. This is unfortunate, because the group providing our lunch (a local soup kitchen who provide food for the hungry, and who will be receiving a portion of today's proceeds) are running about 30 behind our scheduled time. So we do another 15 mins of random questions and answers, then are released to mill around or stand in line for 30 mins until the food arrives. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
The most painful part of this part of the day is that the vast majority of the people here today are retired. I am the youngest in the entire audience, then there are about 30 people around who are about 10 years older than I am, and pretty much everyone else is significantly older. These are not the kind of people you want to leave standing in line, on concrete, outside, in Tucson, without food, for 30 mins. I was VERY concerned for their well being, concerned enough that I didn't just jump in my car and go grab a burger. I hung around keeping an eye on the people leaning on their walkers, and making sure my CPR pocket mask was intact and ready to rumble should I need it. God must have been with us that day though, because it never came to that. The food arrived, everyone filed through and got their bag lunch, and had plenty of time to eat, socialize, and buy more merchandise before the breakout groups began.
I seriously considered just ditching my break-out group and going back in to listen to the speaker talk some more, but being the only guy in the room with a bunch of women would be . .. . . . well . . . too much like work (or like my home-life growing up). So I sat down with about 9 other guys, and our discussion group leader took us through some fairly typical questions about why we came to this today, and what we had got out of it so far. There were 3 ordained ministers in our group, and I don't mind saying I was tremendously impressed with how much restraint they showed in not dominating the entire discussion. Then the facilitator offered us more information about a group called M.A.L.E.S. (Men As Learners and Elders), and we were released for YET ANOTHER BREAK! Ug. If you ever .. . . bah, I'll just stop now.
We eventually file back into the auditorium, listen to the speaker for another thrilling 45 minutes, and that's when I bail out before I am subjected to another drum beating prayer service of randomness. I ended up with a total of maybe 3 hours of speaker, and 5 hours of . . . . other stuff for my seminar fee. Blah. Next time, I'm just buying the book, or the tape, and I'll be a lot more edified and a lot less frustrated.
I went to this seminar because I was under the impression that the person speaking would be this guy. I like listening to this guy. I've read a couple of his books when I was studying the Enneagram, and I listened to some of his tapes. He's a very good speaker, and he makes uncommonly good sense, and he does it in a way that is very soft-spoken and gentle. I like people who don't beat me over the head with their point. This is all in addition to the seminar being on a topic that I thought would be helpful, given that I'm trying to raise 2 sons and didn't have a lot of father figures for periods of my life (partly because of my own rebellious nature), I like to soak up as much info as I can about turning boys into men.
So I signed up, paid over the internet, and received a little confirmation e-mail stating sign-in was at 7:30 am at Flowing Wells High School. Flowing Wells is pretty far from me, so I have to get up pretty dang early to make this, but I want to do this, and I'm looking forward to listening to this guy talk about something important to me from 7:30am until 4pm, so BRING IT ON!!!
What the e-mail didn't say, was that sign-up AND registration was from 7:30am - 9am. When you got there, there were some lovely booths behind the sign-in desk with some random displays out with all sorts of stuff and literature and tapes that the speaker and his organization would love for you to buy. I'm looking at the tape for today's session and I think to myself, "I should have just bought that, instead of coming all the way out here at butt-early on a Saturday morning to wait 90 minutes before he starts speaking." So now I've got 90 mins to kill, I'm tired, my stomach is upset (as it usually is pretty much every day before 10am), and I could have just slid in there at 9 and not missed a thing. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
NOW 9am finally rolls around (I've got a GREAT seat by the way, seeing as I was so freaken early), and they decide to open today's seminar with . . .. . . (drumroll) . .. . . a drum? I hear this single, Native American drum being whacked in the back of room. And in the back of the room there are 3 guys making their way up to the front stage. One is holding the drum, the second is holding a Bible, and the third is holding a candle. Oh great. Now we're going to have a freaky little prayer service. Now don't get me wrong, I love all sorts of prayer. I pray in the shower, in the car, at the park, while I'm wrestling with my sons, and sometimes I just step outside the front or back of my house at night to look up to the sky and talk with God. But I DON'T beat a drum to a random beat, light a candle, march my Bible around in a circle, and then read some random new-age prayer I've never heard before, which doesn't sound like anything IN that Bible. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
Following 15 mins of this, Richard finally takes the stage, and reviews our itineraries for the day. We can look forward to listening to him for a couple hours, take a break, listen to him for a little over another hour, then have a 90 minute lunch. After lunch the men will be going to a 'break-out' session of small group discussions, and the women will be listening to him talk to more. Finally, we'll all be brought back together for about 45 mins of summing it all up, and then we'll have a closing prayer service. Now I think to myself, I say, "Self, wouldn't it have been nice to have known about this itinerary BEFORE I paid up for this seminar?". So now I'm going to get to hear about half as much of Richard as I had hoped, and I get to participate in a small group discussion with a bunch of guys I don't know, but who seem to be a little less radical than the 'Promise Keepers' group. Great. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
When the speaker finally launches into his presentation, I'm very relieved, and very happy. He's just as enjoyable to listen too as ever, and the subject matter is great stuff. Before I know it he's wrapping it up and soliciting questions, so we can get to our 20 minute break (allowing us more time to go buy more stuff). The first session ran a little under 80 mins, so I feel ripped off. The next session only goes 60 mins, which allows us to get to lunch about 15 mins early. This is unfortunate, because the group providing our lunch (a local soup kitchen who provide food for the hungry, and who will be receiving a portion of today's proceeds) are running about 30 behind our scheduled time. So we do another 15 mins of random questions and answers, then are released to mill around or stand in line for 30 mins until the food arrives. If you ever want to piss me off, do that.
The most painful part of this part of the day is that the vast majority of the people here today are retired. I am the youngest in the entire audience, then there are about 30 people around who are about 10 years older than I am, and pretty much everyone else is significantly older. These are not the kind of people you want to leave standing in line, on concrete, outside, in Tucson, without food, for 30 mins. I was VERY concerned for their well being, concerned enough that I didn't just jump in my car and go grab a burger. I hung around keeping an eye on the people leaning on their walkers, and making sure my CPR pocket mask was intact and ready to rumble should I need it. God must have been with us that day though, because it never came to that. The food arrived, everyone filed through and got their bag lunch, and had plenty of time to eat, socialize, and buy more merchandise before the breakout groups began.
I seriously considered just ditching my break-out group and going back in to listen to the speaker talk some more, but being the only guy in the room with a bunch of women would be . .. . . . well . . . too much like work (or like my home-life growing up). So I sat down with about 9 other guys, and our discussion group leader took us through some fairly typical questions about why we came to this today, and what we had got out of it so far. There were 3 ordained ministers in our group, and I don't mind saying I was tremendously impressed with how much restraint they showed in not dominating the entire discussion. Then the facilitator offered us more information about a group called M.A.L.E.S. (Men As Learners and Elders), and we were released for YET ANOTHER BREAK! Ug. If you ever .. . . bah, I'll just stop now.
We eventually file back into the auditorium, listen to the speaker for another thrilling 45 minutes, and that's when I bail out before I am subjected to another drum beating prayer service of randomness. I ended up with a total of maybe 3 hours of speaker, and 5 hours of . . . . other stuff for my seminar fee. Blah. Next time, I'm just buying the book, or the tape, and I'll be a lot more edified and a lot less frustrated.
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